Loose and misguided young fellows look for fireworks in love to continue. It is exhausting to look for a long time at the multitude of colors with your eyes open.
He was a forest, immeasurable, pathless, and enchanted. He was luring me to a lifelong adventure. Being close to this person made me feel intoxicated with passionate joy, intrigued by the insanity of his feeling toward me. No other handsome man had ever cast this spell on me. Was he my passport to happiness?
I didn’t have an agenda for my love. I didn’t form an idea of how it should turn out. I just wanted to feel intensely alive, glorious, and independent. Among all probabilities, is it possible that so much passion, adoration, gentle calm assurance, and strength of feeling can be hidden in one person? He seemed to unite some of the best sensations that distract, inform, admonish, and amuse. Indeed, at first, I was in too much discomposure of mind. Every day with him was too alive, ruddy, and satisfying.
One day I raised my eyes and looked at him — and I was aware of love as it is, and not how books describe it. It ambled in my life, taking me in, sizing me up. It altered the way I experienced life. I breathed deeply and with a sort of cold magnanimity that would find excuses for absolutely nothing,
I arranged my ideas and asked myself four questions:
Is he someone who will be honest with me?
One can look at me and see womanhood so unmixed and vigorous, so sure of itself. But I am ready to brace my frame and plunge into cold waters of sincerity. I want to talk to my lover with my all personality, with unguarded emotion. I don’t need guesses, suspicions, and inferences to swarm me. These feelings produce in me a sense of gruesomeness.
I need honesty to dream my dreams and think my loveliest thoughts. I want the person I love to be possessed by the moral habit of telling the truth to me. Honesty is often graceless. But life without it is a waft of ruin, a plague of suicide.
Finding an answer
My nature is sensitive to the little pricks of falsehood. Through this sense of knowing, I see the faces of friends and people who wish to deceive.
- The honest person has clear open eyes and moves naturally. He is relaxed.
- The one whose love is genuine can follow the dominant desire to never harm.
- Beside a truthful person you find your mental house in order and your thoughts obedient and calm.
Is he someone who will not promise the impossible?
I lived in an agony of bewilderment, remorse, and longing. I wanted him to release my life from the tension of unpredictable. I groaned inwardly when I was promised moon and stars. He did the opposite and won me with these words,
“You often will be broken with fatigue, depressed, chilled, and aching. But you will never question the intensity of my love and devotion, my respect and tenderness.”
We talk about real and possible. It is not a pose. It is a part of our relationship. Everything built on impossible will fall away from us. We feel the triumph of beginning things. The Possible Dreaming we are possessed with is based on mutual understanding of each other’s abilities. We structure our relationship on love and respect. We shape and complete each other by encouragement, which is thoughtful, caring, and uplifting.
Finding an answer
Nothing in the texture of the family life should be scented by disillusionment. If you are blown along by a wonderful wind of impossible promises, you are going to dash on the ground with horrid pain.
- Impossible makes us feel edgy, afraid, and anxious. It is like grasping at vanishing snowflakes — an act of possession that leaves nothingness.
- In a fruitful relationship, we should always feel accomplished, deserving, growing, encouraged, and — that is very important — winning.
- Wild tunes of fine things to say, without taking the trouble to make them a reality, is acting, not living. Love cannot be acting, it should be confoundedly genuine.
Is he someone who will choose a quiet life with me or drama and dysfunction?
Our tête-à-tête time seldom reads like some wild melodrama. I moon away my time with the person who makes me feel comfortable, cozy, tranquil. With him, I feel boredom that is healing and refreshing.
Sometimes we feel carried away on the current of our excitement, passion, and hunger for adventure. And each time when the storm of those feelings subsides, we hurry to the embrace of our quiet harbor. At any rate, regularity, harmony, ordinariness is extraordinarily soothing. It is not fictitious or fabulous. Its existence gifts satisfaction.
Finding an answer
What I do know is that love is boring. You might well accuse me of being biased. You may want a mystery, an enigma in your life.
- Do not wait for love to feed you with wild emotions. Being a victory of suffering, a paean of passion — you will get tired very soon.
- Quiet happiness is a manifestation of genuine love. Storming emotions cannot last. Nature doesn’t create a storm that never ends. Family should tread the solid earth. Calm weather is filling the wide world of two loving people with invisible sweetness.
Is he someone ready for deep, calm, and everlasting love?
I had a strong sense of relief when I met this person. I discovered in him a happy pride at the lasting force of our love. We are tasting sensibly the sweets of living without the bitter feelings of envy, greed, lust, and jealousy. These feelings hurry people on to be the instruments of their own destruction. They push them forward against the calm reasoning and persuasions.
Finding an answer
Family has the nature of the common road; you know where you are going.
- Temperance, moderation, quietness, health — all agreeable diversions and desirable pleasures, all the blessings you should pray for.
- You will have a taste of the misery in the sequel of your love story. But you should not stop, you should go through every misfortune hand in hand.
The abiding truth of love
You notice first a throb of expectancy, a slight quiver, a concentration of emotion in the air. You feel the splash of passion. It won’t last long and this is good, this is normal. These fireworks come and go — and you always have a place where you can rest, getting ready to repeat the little adventure later, when you both have gathered enough strength and imagination.
This post was previously published on Medium.com.
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