You deserve at least this much.
I find lately that any time I write an article outlining certain traits of men or how we “should” or “shouldn’t” act in a relationship (I have to be careful with those words because people often accuse me of telling everyone how to act…) that I get plenty of backlash from those who disagree with what I’m saying because men do not realistically act in these ways.
First thing’s first: Good men do act in these ways. If you are going to put an asterisk on behavior that’s to be expected from well-adjusted, emotionally stable, good man, then you’re not dating a good man. Here are a few things that should make you strap on a jet pack and full throttle it in the other direction:
1. A good man will never pick apart your looks.
“Oh, if only your hair was a little longer.” “If only you lost those couple of extra pounds.” “If you would only wear more makeup.” A good man will never take jabs at your appearance in a way that’s demeaning to you or makes you feel badly about yourself. If he is doing this, he’s purposely attempting to lower your self-worth so you won’t feel confident enough to leave him. It’s his way of trying to control you and it’s emotional abuse. Walk. Away. Now.
2. A good man will never invade your privacy.
In a healthy relationship, there is no need to hide anything. Texts, emails, facebook messages, whatever. But that doesn’t mean your partner has the right to snoop through them if you happen to leave your phone around or your computer open. Someone who does this is showing a massive insecurity on their part and is likely projecting their own infidelities and issues onto you. This should not be ignored.
*Note: This is assuming you haven’t done anything that would make him suspicious or betrayed his trust.
3. A good man will never discourage you.
A sign of a person’s confidence in themselves is how they help to support the ambition of others. A good man will always be willing to help and support those around him and will never be discouraging or insulting.
4. A good man will recognize your value; he will not make you feel the need to prove it to him.
The minute you feel that you have to prove your worth to the person you’re with is the minute you’ll know to walk away. A man or woman should be with you because they value and appreciate who you are, not what you do or how well you sell yourself to them.
5. A good man will never make you feel like an afterthought.
While a relationship shouldn’t be someone’s entire life, it’s certainly a large part of it. I’ve heard too many stories about women who constantly get cast aside for “guy’s night” or something similar. A man should have have a network and individuality, sure. But there is a difference between leading an active social life, and knocking the woman in your life further and further down your priority list. If you feel like you’re waiting for him to come home more than you’re actually with him, it’s time to step back and take another look at where your relationship is going.
6. A good man will never make you feel like you are alone in the relationship.
Relationships are a partnership. A team. A two-way street. They’re supposed to enhance your life, not complicate it. If you’re with a man who is complacent in life and love, puts no effort into you or the relationship, then it’s time to re-evaluate. Keep in mind, it’s natural for people to get depressed and unmotivated at times. If this is someone you’ve been with for a long time, I’m certainly not saying kick him to the curb at the first sign of a slump. We all go through them. What I’m referring to here is someone who is simply apathetic and makes you feel like he doesn’t care. You deserve someone who will wake up every morning and pledge to do and be the best they can for you.
7. A good man will never cheat on you.
There are plenty of arguments in the world that monogamy is not “natural” and that humans are not biologically wired to spend an entire lifetime with one single person. Regardless of the scientific validity of this statement, one thing remains true: Monogamy is a personal choice made by two people in a relationship. There is literally nothing physical binding two people together; just a decision. A good man will never cheat in a relationship because cheating means going back on his word or breaking a promise he has made to someone he loves.
8. A good man will never disrespect you.
Easy, simple, basic – but often overlooked. A good man will show respect to everyone around him. He will not be condescending or put anyone down, regardless of intelligence level or professional position. As the saying goes, ‘a man of quality is not afraid of equality.’
9. A good man will never avoid important conversations.
Whether it be between family members or in a relationship, a good man understands that no problem can be resolved until it is faced. The only thing that avoidance of difficulties will accomplish is delaying the inevitable and potentially making things worse. There is a difference between choosing your battles and avoiding conflict altogether – the important thing is to know when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em.
10. A good man will NEVER abuse you.
There are many different types of abuse, certainly not just physical and certainly not just in a relationship. Someone can be emotionally abusive toward a child or pet as well as their significant other. Regardless, they all have one thing in common: The desire to break another down. A good man recognizes that his confidence and worth comes from within himself and never from attempting to place others below him. At any sign of any type of abuse, walk (run) away immediately. It will not get better, and you deserve more.
We need to stop making excuses for those who mistreat us and start lowering our tolerance for this nonsense. Any self-respecting decent human being will treat you with the love and compassion that you deserve. If they don’t, then what’s the point of staying with them?
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
|Compliments Men Would Love to Hear More Often||Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It||The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex||The Reality All Women Experience (that Men Don’t Know About)|
Join The Good Men Project Community
All levels get to view The Good Men Project site AD_FREE. The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many groups and classes as you want for the entire year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission, and have a great ad-free viewing experience.
Register New Account
Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request new password if needed).
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
“Here’s the thing about The Good Men Project. We are trying to create big, sweeping, societal changes—–overturn stereotypes, eliminate racism, sexism, homophobia, be a positive force for good for things like education reform and the environment. And we’re also giving individuals the tools they need to make individual change—-with their own relationships, with the way they parent, with their ability to be more conscious, more mindful, and more insightful. For some people, that could get overwhelming. But for those of us here at The Good Men Project, it is not overwhelming. It is simply something we do—–every day. We do it with teamwork, with compassion, with an understanding of systems and how they work, and with shared insights from a diversity of viewpoints.” —– Lisa Hickey, Publisher of The Good Men Project and CEO of Good Men Media Inc.
This article originally appeared on Your Tango. For more from Your Tango, try:
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
|Compliments Men Would Love to Hear More Often||Thirty-One Reasons Men Don’t Cheat||What Makes a Man Attractive?||Here’s What Happens When You Find The One|
|A Man’s View: How Important is Sex in a Relationship?||How Do I Stop Mistaking Chemistry for True Connection?||Love After a Narcissist: Learn to Trust & Date Again||5 Fears That Keep Us Single|