Sometimes a situation that seems like hell actually turns out to be a perfect blessing. Months before the current Covid-19 Pandemic my ex and I started to struggle. Name-calling, constant fighting, you name it, yet we still tried to make our near 4-year love, or what we thought to be love, work. I was devastated but knew there was no fixing it.
Four months after my first ever solo vacation in November of 2019, and after 6 months of sleeping on the couch while he slept on the bed, my OCD-ridden ex finally moved out. I had the place to myself and took the next couple of months to Furnish the place to my liking while also going on multiple hikes per week to deal with the heartbreak mid-pandemic. Nature hikes and beach days with close friends as well as by myself are what helped me through what seemed like one of the toughest times in my life. Little did I know what a blessing this break-up would become only a few short months later.
During my healing process, I learned more about myself than I had ever before. I picked up yoga and finally started taking working-out and proper nutrition seriously again, which I had lost touch with some time before. I picked up photography, began writing a cookbook and started a nutrition coaching business. And while I had a friend tell me to hook up with a random dude to get over my ex faster, I didn’t listen, because I knew I needed to learn to love myself again, and a random hook-up simply wasn’t the way to that.
In August of 2020, I was ready to check out Tinder but I promised myself not to settle and not to rush anything. I went on a couple of dates with a military guy that seemed nice and while we had a connection, it just wasn’t right. I went on an other date with a guy I went to high school with, we made plans for a second date but that never ended up happening.
Then I came across a man who was out in Winnipeg, MB for 6 months from the United States. Naturally, I was intrigued and I was itching to hear his story, so we met for coffee, then a drive and table hockey, and a few games of pool, all accompanied with constant, easy conversation. Suddenly, We had spent nearly nine hours together and neither one of us was ready to part ways. He was tall and big, I’m talking six feet and three inches, 250 lbs of muscle, then there was me five feet and one inch, 110 lbs, you can imagine how huge he looked beside me. His story was fascinating and he was so gentle and fun, I could already tell I wouldn’t be able to get enough of him.
Something he said to me on our first date has stuck with me ever since and I think anyone should take this to heart:
I’ve been hurt a lot in relationships in the past, girls used me, cheated on me and stole large amounts of money from me. Yet I continue to do my best to love unconditionally and always give everything I have in every relationship, romantic or otherwise, because I am a strong believer that if I don’t, the person that’s meant for me may just slip away. I would not be able to live with myself if that were to happen.
From this day forward we spent every day and every night together, quickly getting to know each other on a rather deep and personal level. I had never in my life fallen so quickly and so deeply for anyone, and I was terrified. Neither had I ever been able to trust anyone as much as I was able to trust him, not even my ex with whom I had been for nearly four years. Time means so little when it comes to relationships.
Four months later, it was time for him to go back to the United States. We planned for me to come along so that we could continue to do life together. He drove across the border with my car but due to covid-19, I had to fly. At the airport I was stopped and denied flight because border secuirty was suspicious I may not return to Canada as I didn’t have a return flight booked. I explained that I was going to drive across with my car which was in the States already, but received no mercy.
Devastated as you might imagine we were, we began researching visa applications, however, due to the Covid-19 pandemic all Visa processing was suspended until further notice, and so our long-distance relationship began.
A week into being separated by an imaginary country line we were face-timing and the man of my dreams asked: “Would you ever marry me? I don’t mean just because of the distance, I mean, would you want to marry me even if we were still together in person?” I didn’t have to think this one through, I knew the answer from the bottom of my heart, without a single doubt: “Of course, I would.” Two weeks later, the Montreal US consul began processing K-1 Visas again and so we hired a lawyer and began the process of applying for the Fiancé visa.
Long-distance isn’t easy. Especially across country borders with Covid-19 travel restrictions, but in the end it will all be worth it. Neither one of us has a single doubt on our minds that we are meant for one another and while one may say that only time will tell, our hearts know. The combination of respect, trust and love for one another can conquer anything.
Love is often judged by people on the outside and we have heard it all.
They are moving too slow
They are moving too fast
They don’t seem compatible
Their body types are so different
He/she doesn’t seem good for him/her
We need to stop judging other people’s love stories, and appreciate that they are happy together instead. Love is a complicated matter, that we may think we understand, but I can tell you right now, no-one truly does. At best we may understand our own love.
Loving unconditionally can be extremely difficult and protecting your heart from heartbreak may seem like the best choice at times, but try your best to love deeply and passionately, you never know what may come of it. Taking the leap may just be the best thing you can do for yourself.
This post was previously published on Medium.
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