Laura and I met a few months before I was set to leave the UK. I’d already bought tickets to tour Europe, while working in my new role as a freelance writer.
She’d told me we should stop seeing each other, because she’d get too attached and it would hurt to see me leave.
Logically, that was the smart move.
However, emotions control the majority of human decisions.
We think we make decisions based on logic. However, it’s usually silly made-up logic to support however we’re feeling.
Ever convinced yourself you need that third pair of trainers or deserve a second dessert?
And in the world of dating, emotions have more power than ever.
Love has no time for logic
It made no logical sense to date Laura exclusively, not when I was leaving the country in a few weeks. Our brains knew this, but our hearts didn’t care.
We felt so incredibly happy around each other, and that’s all that mattered. Once you have this, your brains find a way for staying together to make sense.
Laura wasn’t even my usual ‘type’.
I’d always thought my dream woman would have to be a hyper-social ‘party girl’ who loved wild nights out. Now, I wasn’t so sure.
When we fall for someone, our logical ‘must-haves’ seem to melt into insignificance. We don’t see these unticked boxes anymore, or just laugh them off as being immature.
While Laura wasn’t a ‘party girl’, she had a pure heart, sophisticated style and so much self-assuredness. This was all I could see.
The more time I spent with her, the more I’d tell myself that ‘party girls’ were morons who caused too much drama.
Now, all I wanted was a woman who was kind, sweet, intelligent and drama-free. That’s why, to me, Laura was perfect.
Our ‘type’ is based on logic, but love is based on emotions. We’ll create and believe all sorts of silly made-up logic to support how we feel.
I’d love to know what silly made-up logic was sitting in Laura’s head, because we kept dating until the day I left the UK.
Whenever she suggested we should split, I didn’t logically try to change her mind. I just made jokes, shared romantic thoughts and did everything I could to make her feel good.
I changed her emotions.
That’s the best way to win a woman over.
It doesn’t matter if you’re not her ‘type’
This principle works really well when you first meet a woman you’re attracted to.
Most women logically believe they’d only date guys of a certain ‘type’. Maybe they have to be tall or jacked. Perhaps they need thick hair, a sexy tan, tattoos, or pretty-boy looks…
I don’t really have any of these things…
Surprisingly enough, there aren’t many ‘party girls’ immediately jumping on me.
No woman has ever told me I’m their ‘type’.
However, if I get the chance to show my personality and stimulate their emotions, I can still win some of them over.
As they start laughing at my jokes, their silly made-up logic probably tells them I have nice eyes or something.
The same thing can happen to you.
Even if you’re short. Even if you’re bald. Even if you’re leaving the country and there’s no hope of a lasting relationship…
The key is to stop logically convincing her to give you a chance.
Change her mood, not her mind.
This is an excerpt from my book The Camera Never Lies, which features the 17 brutal truths I learned from filming my dating life for national TV.
Previously published on medium
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